For much of my life, I lived between two worlds, resisting and retreating, fighting to exist while also learning to shrink. I was never afraid to take up space, but I was punished for doing so. And so, I learned to survive in between to push, to please, to fight, but never to simply be.
Raised without an intimate bond with my mother, I carried an invisible wound, a deep-rooted belief that something was wrong with me, that love was something I had to earn. Yet at the same time, my heart remained pure, overflowing with kindness, guiding me like a quiet force beneath it all. But kindness alone wasn’t enough. I was given the tools to obey, not to honour myself. Boundaries did not exist because the world around me expected me to have none.
So I lived in the tension, between my boundless, untamed heart, which told me I had the right to exist as I was, and the reality of punishment whenever I dared to do so. My inner voice was loud, relentless, refusing to be silenced. But I had no support, no tools to hold the weight of my emotions, and so I did the only thing I knew I fought.
I fought against expectations, against fear, against the belief that I had to shrink to be accepted. And somewhere in that battle, something awakened in me. I began questioning everything. Doubting the rules I had been taught to follow. My mantra became: If they don’t want me to do this, maybe it’s exactly what I should do.
This mindset led me to adventure, to travel, to self-exploration. It took years of deep healing through shamanic retreats, yoga, silent meditation retreats, and the willingness to face myself fully to begin unravelling the layers of survival I had built. But healing didn’t make me lighter. If anything, it made me real.
I had spent so long taking life seriously, dissecting every emotion, trying to break through the weight of generational trauma. But now, I am learning something even deeper, compassion. Not just for others, but for myself. I am learning to be soft again. To make space for mistakes. To breathe without guilt.
The girl who once ran from herself has become a woman who sits still, takes a deep breath, and whispers: There’s no place like home.
And now, I understand that the greatest gift I can offer to myself, my child, and the world is a safe space to explore oneself. A space where we are free to be, without fear, without shame, without the need to be anything other than who we truly are.
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